I’ve just realised that the Lloyd Webber/Rice song I Don’t Know How to Love Him is the canonical ballad of a ‘DL straight guy’ falling in love with another man.

I’ve long thought it works well for a guy coming to terms with his bisexuality, but there was one bit that didn’t fit without reworking:

He’s a man, he’s just a man 
And I’ve had so many men before 
In very many ways 
He’s just one more

But this morning I realised it actually needs no adjustment. There’s a huge phenomenon of men having sex with other men but still identifying as straight; in short, the contention is that they’re turned on by body parts (one in particular) but not attracted to men at all, and there’s all sort of parody-worthy mental gymnastics that follow “It’s not gay if…”

I’m okay with all of that, I guess. I mean, I think they’d be happier and less likely to hurt people if they just embraced bisexuality, or another of the multi-gender-attracted identities such as omnisexual, my label, which clearly articulates that you have different kinds of attraction to people of different genders.

I do, though, think there’s just a lot of repression and societal pressure on men especially which stops them even thinking it’s possible never mind practical to have a loving relationship with another man, and in the case of the quoted lyrics above, we’re seeing a man who might have performed countless dozens of sexual acts with men, but who suddenly realises he’s developed emotional feelings for someone he’s been giving brojobs to. No homo. Unless…

I know this wasn’t the original intent of the song ☺️ but listen for yourself and tell me it’s not perfect!

I don’t know how to love him 
What to do, how to move him 
I’ve been changed, yes really changed 
In these past few days 
When I’ve seen myself 
I seem like someone else

I don’t know how to take this 
I don’t see why he moves me 
He’s a man, he’s just a man 
And I’ve had so many men before 
In very many ways 
He’s just one more

Should I bring him down? 
Should I scream and shout? 
Should I speak of love? 
Let my feelings out?

I never thought I’d come to this 
What’s it all about?

Don’t you think it’s rather funny? 
I should be in this position 
I’m the one who’s always been 
So calm, so cool 
No lover’s fool 
Running every show 
He scares me so

I never thought I’d come to this 
What’s it all about?

Yet, if he said he loved me 
I’d be lost, I’d be frightened 
I couldn’t cope, just couldn’t cope 
I’d turn my head, I’d back away 
I wouldn’t want to know 
He scares me so 
I want him so 
I love him so